There i am holding my camera in front of my eyes hoping no one would see but at the same time i didn’t care. I was crying. I was really ready to explode. Ball like a baby. i would be fine for a few minutes , then the pastor would speak again and tears would well up. It was a loving cry. A cry so deep it was changing my heart. The words out of the pastors mouth were not only for Mariah and Andy but for me. For my marriage. They would be words that would set me free. They were out of the pastors month but he was only a vessel. A Vessel the holy spirit would use to change my life forever. To make be better and new. God loves me so much he didn’t want me to stay the same. He was gracious to me. When the words hit my heart an abundance of love poured in. I was being corrected and loved at the same time by God himself. I was overwhelmed in a good way.
First let me be clear on this. I am married to who i believe is the most faithful man on earth. He guards his eyes and his heart for me. He honors God by honoring me. But even though this was true the enemy ( yes there is satan.. its in the bible and i accept every word) was telling me not to trust him. That I’m not good enough, pretty enough, talented, smart enough and soon enough he’d find someone to replace me. I have had time after time where jealousy and bitterness would drown my heart and if my husband wasn’t looking at me perfectly or spending enough time with me etc… the thoughts would come rolling in…. all lies.. all fear.. and fear is a liar.
So at this wedding… the pastor told them to love each other the way Jesus loves us. That he loves without caution .. The neat thing was i took a photo of the pastors notes and didn’t exactly see this word he said “ Loves without Caution” which gets me even more excited … thinking how these words would trigger my heart and soul and they were not planned by the pastor but God himself. He would talk much about trusting each other .. and there i was crying and crying.. i dont think ill be able to really describe what happened here but i was changed..
I Got into the car on the way home and asked the Lord… what was that really about?? he showed me how i listen to these lies i hear that are not true at all and that I’m not loving My husband without caution. I love behind a wall. I need to trust and go all out. After all he is trustworthy and you know what our love is going to be deeper if i rip down this wall and go after him.. ( you may think well maybe something could go wrong? yay it could but i dont want to live like it could i want to live like i gave everything and played down my life like Jesus did .. when i stand before him i want him to tell me i did good with what he gave me)
So i went home and told Andrew and asked for forgiveness. I have told so many people because i want people to know. i feel so free in this area… I’m not saying it hasn’t come up a little bit but i know the truth and ill keep choosing it the best i can until its all Gone….
so guess what Andrew……… I’m after you. our love our marriage and even on a bad day I’m not going to fear loosing you and hold back love… I’m going to trust you and be full of forgiveness and grace I’m going to make you feel so loved!!! Im going to tear down the walls… when people tell me i need to be careful i won’t listen because i always have Jesus and its worth going after you. you are with it!!! I’m so thankful you are a man after God. Its the best way because i know you want to honor him so you honor me. Im in love with you more then ever and we have been together for a long time now. Im not afraid or worried because my dad Jesus tells me i dont have to be.
Mariah and Andy.. sorry to mush up your wedding blog … i adore you both. you guys are the exact people i want to remember forever and i will because of what happened. You are all so fun, kind and the most considerate people i have ever met. You paid me to be there and you still treated me like a guest. I pray over you both that there would be no walls and you would love widely and just go after each other!! Thank you.. please tell your pastor thanks!!!
I did find a verse from the message bible :
Ephesians 5:2 Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. and another
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.